Pilots that fly for FAA Part 135 Air Taxi companies usually have lots of stories to tell. Just like taxi drivers in Hollywood or the Wall Street area, their fares aren't exactly a cross section of middle class America. In the days before airline deregulation, the majority of airline passengers were businessmen, celebrities or upper middle class. Flying was very expensive compared to personal automobiles, buses and trains.
The pilot in this story worked for a FBO (Fixed Base Operator) at a medium sized mid-western airport. An FBO is like an old time service station – before they became food-marts with gasoline pumps out front. Most FBO's had fuel service, mechanics, hanger rental, flying instructions, aircraft rental and many other services. The main function of an FBO was to provide a room for airport bums to gather in and swap lies. The room would always contain some source of incredibly strong, bitter coffee, flying publications that were at least 5 years old and a hodgepodge of well worn furniture. Some FBO's also provided air taxi service.
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| New York Skyline before WTC construction. |
The majority of air taxi flights took a passenger to another airport, dropped them off and returned to their home airport empty. Most rates were set on this basis. The rate included the cost of flying the airplane back home with no passengers. If a passenger could be found for the return trip, anything you could get them to pay would be icing on the cake. Every now and then someone would want to fly somewhere and stay for just a few hours and there was a special rate for waiting time.
Now that you know all about the air taxi business, I'll get back to the story. The FBO got a call from the travel department of a large hotel corporation with headquarters located in a large city about 300 miles away. The CEO wanted an aircraft sent to pick him up and fly him to the airport where the FBO was located. This was a most unusual request for two reasons. First, there were several air taxi services with comparable rates in the city where he was located. Secondly, his corporation owned several corporate aircraft and CEO's usually had top priority on their use. Money is money and the secretary set it up for the CEO to be picked up at 10 o'clock the next morning. The weather was forecast to be wonderful and only a single pilot would be required.
About 7 o'clock the next morning, the pilot took off for the two hour flight to pick up the CEO. If the CEO was on time, they should be back shortly after noon. Because of this, the secretary at the FBO didn't hesitate to schedule the aircraft for another charter flight at three o'clock in the afternoon. About eleven o'clock a very attractive lady in her mid-forties came into the FBO main office. Her designer clothes and confident attitude marked her as one who was at home in the upper echelons of society. She explained to the secretary that she was the wife of the CEO that was due to arrive shortly. It was his birthday and she had flown in on an airline flight to surprise him. It was a warm, late summer day and she said that she would just sit on one of the benches that were outside the FBO office. From that vantage point she could see the airplane carrying her husband as it taxied in after landing. Of course, if her husband was looking out the window, he could see her also.
About fifteen minutes before noon, the pilot called the secretary on the Unicom and told her they would be landing in about twenty minutes. Unicom is a two-way radio that operates on a frequency that is reserved for aircraft and ground facilities to communicate about just about anything. Pilots often use it to have someone on the ground order a taxi or rental car to meet them or even to order a pizza to be ready when they land. The secretary knew the wife wanted to surprise her husband so she didn't say anything to the pilot about her being there. The pilot might not be using headphones and the CEO could hear the conversation if it was on the aircraft speaker.
The birthday wasn't the real surprise! About five minutes after noon, the airplane landed right on schedule. Soon it was taxiing up towards the FBO unloading ramp and the waiting wife. She was up off the bench and waving in hopes that her husband would recognize her. He did. Instead of the airplane turning towards the FBO ramp, it did a u-turn and started taxiing back towards the runway. A few minutes later, it took off again. The wife came into the office and asked if that was the airplane her husband was in. The secretary knew that something fishy was going on, so she said that she didn't think so. It must have been a transient pilot that taxied to the wrong spot on the airport. That story would explain the u-turn, but not the take-off. At least it would buy her some time to think up a better lie. But the wife didn't question the explanation. She just said she would go back outside and wait for the airplane that her husband was on.
About ten minutes after that the phone rang. The secretary answered it and the caller identified herself as the secretary for an FBO on a nearby airport. She had just received a Unicom call from the pilot and was informed that the CEO had requested to be taken to New York city. The pilot would call with a full explanation when they landed in New York. The secretary thanked her counterpart at the other FBO for the information and went outside to inform the wife that her husband had been called to New York for an emergency business meeting. The wife was nowhere to be found.
About a week later the pilot and airplane returned. The CEO and his wife had treated him to a fantastic week in New York city including dinner at Elaine's, two Broadway plays and lots of sightseeing. The husband and the pilot tagged along while the wife spend a fortune at Tiffany's, Saks, Prada and Bloomingdales. The CEO paid the FBO for the pilots salary and use of the airplane for the whole week.
Whoa! Where did the wife come from? She was in the airplane all along! Her sister lived in the city where this story started. She often visited her sister when her husband came there on a business trip. The corporation was in the middle of an IRS audit and the accounting department recommended not using the corporate aircraft when his wife traveled with him. The wife was sitting on the side of the airplane where she couldn't see the woman waving at them. The u-turn and trip to New York for a shopping spree were passed off as a big surprise her husband had planned.
It was the CEO's birthday. The woman at the FBO did come in on an airline flight to surprise him. The person she called in the corporation travel department forgot to tell her that the CEO's wife was traveling with him. That's a real downer for a mistress!
And that's the truth!
Bowinkle T. Propwash
Bowinkle,
ReplyDeleteI used to have a lot of restaurants as clients. One evening I went to dinner with my boss and his wife at one of "nicer" ones. When we walked in the hostess, who happened to be the owner's wife said to my boss, "Tom, that is the best looking woman you have been in here with all month!" THe boss's wife left quite abruptly and he and I had dinner.
That is the truth, too,
Charlie